All The Little Moments Read Online Free Page A

Hayley to the bedroom the second she walked through the door. She managed to not think at all. Compartmentalising had always been her strong point.
    She pushed the thought that Jake was dead to the back of her mind, buried it as deep as she could. But there were times, when she was doing something completely mundane, that her chest would tighten and, for no apparent reason, it felt like she couldn’t breathe. Before she could lose herself to that feeling completely, Anna would bite her lip to distract herself.
    They had decided that Hayley was going to join her for a week, after a month or so, and then try and fly out as regularly as she could on weekends. A newspaper was sprawled on the table, red circles around job offers in Melbourne. Anna really had no idea what she was doing. Uprooting her entire life for two children. Uprooting herself for her dead brother, whom she longed to hit as hard as she could.
    The anger hadn’t really gone.
    Six days in, the night before she flew out, she stood blowing hair out of her eyes, her messy ponytail coming apart as she pulled packing tape over her final box. The whole apartment was in shambles, her own boxes packed up amongst Hayley’s things, tape dispensers and stuff scattered everywhere. She sighed heavily. Her love for this apartment bordered on the extreme. She’d made it so pretty—a home with her girlfriend. While they had always been working so much they hadn’t spent a lot of time there, it was still home.
    A sound from the bedroom made Anna turn. Hayley was half falling over a box on her way into the living room.
    “Smooth.”
    Hayley shrugged, looking around.
    Anna bit her lip.
    Wide eyed, Hayley stared at all the boxes. She had her freaked-out face on, looking ready to burst with something she needed to say. The expression had been crossing her face regularly the last few nights.
    Anna crossed her arms and shifted her weight to her other foot, waiting until Hayley finally made eye contact with her.
    “It’s okay, Hayley. Say it.”
    Hayley flinched slightly. “I can’t do this.”
    Anna swallowed. She waited for Hayley to say what she needed to.
    “I don’t want to delay it. I don’t want to come out in four weeks, to leave a week later, and then only see you every few weeks. For us both to be miserable until I finally panic and end it.” She gritted her jaw and took a step forward. “We both know that’s what I’ll do.”
    Anna didn’t move. Internally, everything shifted into boxes, compartmentalised so that shutting down was easier. The talent to do so was one Anna had always been grateful for—now more than ever.
    “Anna, I’m sorry. I wanted to try. I didn’t want to be the bitch that left you after your brother died and you got dumped with this…this huge responsibility, but I just...I can’t do this. It’s not me. And the firm...I just got promoted.”
    “I know.”
    This was a woman who hardly ever cried, and Anna could hardly look at her glazed eyes.
    “I’m—I’m sorry. Kids—I just…I can’t. I love you. But I can’t.”
    “I get it, Hayley.” The words came out harsher than Anna had intended, and Hayley moved closer. But exhaustion rolled over Anna, and the anger left as quickly as it had come.
    Hayley took another step forward. “You can be angry at me.”
    Anna almost laughed. “Thanks for the permission, Hayley. But I get it.”
    Bitterness was rising in her gut. She wanted to squash the feeling. She did get it. If she had a choice, she’d bail as well. Over three years together, plans to buy an apartment, plans to build a life, and what did it take to destroy that? A drunk driver on his phone.
    “I—”
    “Hayley. I kind of need you to go. I can’t…I fly out tomorrow night. I need to not see you before then.”
    Hayley stopped short, looking surprised, “O…Okay.”
    “I’m sorry.”
    “I’m sorry. I didn’t…I don’t want this.”
    Anna nodded.
    Hayley moved forward as if to hug her.
    Automatically,