A Little Rain Read Online Free Page B

think he wanted my first boyfriend to be a brain
surgeon, or maybe just a hard worker, or at least have ambition.  Benny is like
a tadpole, happy to say in the pond forever.  He never wants to grow legs and become
a frog.  Rob works in security, and is out day and night, up at all hours.  I
know he is not happy with his lot.  He just wants better for me.  When I lost
my school friends and gained a boyfriend, I thought I didn’t need anything
else.  With Benny and my brother, I had everything and nothing, all at the same
time.  I had Benny’s friends too.
    I get to Benny’s flat and bound up the stairs and ring
flat number 3 .   Bzzzzzz .  He clicks me in.  I smell his trademark
aftershave and a hint of eau du cannabis.  He’s looking pretty fine today.  Although
he’s thin, his hugs are quite warm.  He doesn’t let go for what feels like three
seconds.  He kisses me with cold lips.  I ask him why.  He’s been out in the
rain he says, fixing his car up again.  It’s broken down right now.
    “Why didn’t you do it at work?”  I say.  He doesn’t
answer.  This makes me think he called in sick today.  I look up at him.  He
doesn’t say a word.  He just takes my hand and leads me inside.  In his bedroom,
it’s business as usual.  We’re cuddling afterwards but I’m not comfortable.  Benny’s
holds me, cigarette in hand, ash falling on my shoulder.  I look over at the bedside
table to the clock-radio telling the wrong time.  It says 6:32pm.
    Almost as if I asked it to my phone starts ringing.  I
think please God don’t be Rob, not now, though of course I would be happy to
hear from him.  It’s not, it’s the pub.  I work there at least one night a
week, two sometimes.  It’s easy money to make, so if they call me on a weekday,
I’ll skip college and go in as well.  Sometimes I do the Saturday or Sunday
shift, though that’s rare.  It’s an eight-minute run from Rob’s flat, from
Benny’s it’s further.  When I finish late at night and Rob’s not around to pick
me up, he insists I get a cab or wait for a lift home.  Sometimes I brave the
walk, but I would never tell him that.  I think I’m pretty smart.  I can run
most of the way, holding each of my keys between my knuckles, a spiked fist
ready to punch out at anyone who comes too close.  It’s only really dangerous
over the railway bridge, where no one could hear you scream and there are no
doors to knock on.  I don’t run all of the way.  Keep something in reserve,
just in case I need to run for real.  Rob once told me if you ever do get
grabbed, stamp on their foot or kick them hard in the shin if you can.  So when
he grabbed me messing about that same day, I did both.  He almost cried.  Now I
know it works, I’m not scared.  I’ve got eagle eyes, and cheetah feet, booted.
    I move to stand up, shaking off Benny’s sticky paw and
head towards the bedroom door. Hannah from the pub says, “Hey Ella.  Can you
work tonight?  Louise’s just called and doesn’t think she can make it in. 
She’s feeling sick.  She’s got a hangover.”  I’m not happy at all right now so
I think a change of scene will do me good so I say, yeah ok.  Now Benny’s not
happy either.  I tell him the usual.  I have stuff to buy and seeing as you
never give me any money and don’t eat, I still have to.
    “I give you money,” he spits.  “Here.”  And he hurls a
coin hard at me from his bedside ledge.  It catches me right on the eye socket,
just under my brow, dings off my piercing.  It hurts, a lot , but I don’t
let on.  My throat is too tight to talk.  I’m not going to cry so I just pick
up my stuff from the floor, dress and leave.
    By the time, I’ve got to the bar, walking the whole goddamn
long-arse way, chain smoking, fuming, I’m frostbite cold and damp to my bones.  As
I go in it smells lovely of beer, tobacco and cider.  An invisible cloud of
heat wraps round me.  The red carpet looks