A Handicap of the Devil? Read Online Free Page B

about?"
    The dwarf leapt up behind him and delivered a knockout blow with a shortened number five iron, exploding Jonathan's world into a billion bright stars.
    They spun around, then faded into a void as Jonathan was embraced by darkness.

Chapter 3
Jonathan Goes to Heaven
    Jonathan awoke in heaven. Or at least he assumed it was heaven. A bearded gentleman in psychedelic, multi-coloured, long flowing robes—wearing cool-looking curved shades and several rows of beads—sat looking at him. Another man with short hair, wearing a smart grey suit with an old-school striped tie, was also staring with fixed intent at his person.
    They were in a strange gazebo-like structure with a pointed, thatched roof. There were walls with a door, but the windows—which took up roughly half of the surface area of the walls—were without glass. It was odd, because the gazebo was fully furnished and had a carpeted floor.
    I guess they don't get much rain here.
    Jonathan looked through one of the glass-less windows. Woolly white clouds drifted past. Jonathan saw people and animals on the clouds, singly and in groups. Some were playing harps, and others were singing hymns. A few were chanting and intoning. A bevy of brothers and nuns drifted past and called out ‘hallelujah’ when they saw the old man in the psychedelic robes. While they were distracted, they almost collided with some Buddhist monks—who laughed as they pushed the Catholic cloud away.
    The man in the suit looked away from Jonathan and waved to them as they passed.
    The other man continued to stare at him with fixed concentration.
    It was pleasantly warm, and Jonathan could hear the gentle drone of bees over the other sounds. A fluffy cloud with several rabbits and a pair of kangaroos floated past quite close to the gazebo. They were not playing harps. A lion and a sheep floated by, licking one another. Jonathan was aware of a feeling of wellbeing, of peace and harmony.
    The man in the caftan and beads coughed in that special way people cough when they want your attention. “Well, hey now, here you be."
    "Uh, yes, thank you. I guess you must be God, and I must be dead."
    "Sort of.” God sounded testy. “Like, you ain't necessarily dead, man. It could be just another trip ... you dig?"
    "No. Not really.” Jonathan had no idea what this strange hippie character was talking about.
    "Whether you be dead or not depends on the result of this interview."
    "You mean I might get to go back?"
    God made a sign and a large screen in the corner lit up.
    Jonathan could see himself on the screen. He was lying on a battered, old couch in the room he had just left. A burly policewoman was performing external heart massage while a policeman gave him mouth to mouth.
    "See what those cats down there are doing? It's a happening thang, man. I got the option of letting them succeed or not succeed—depending upon what you decide. You're the man. You dig?"
    "Decide about what?” Jonathan looked around him. The room was tidy and had the look of a third-rate hotel about it.
    The impeccably dressed man in the suit spoke. “We were going to clean up, but we weren't exactly sure when you were coming.” He began to dust.
    Jonathan was confused. The room looked perfectly tidy to him.
    "Peter, be cool, man. Let it all hang out. I mean, what is buggin’ ya.” God looked even more annoyed.
    "Well, it's not nice. I didn't vacuum or anything."
    God was becoming more irritated by the moment. He turned back to Jonathan. “Pay no attention to him. That's one heavy dude. He's always fussing around."
    Peter became petulant. “Well, how would you feel if you were just dead and arrived to find a mess like this?” He was using a cleaning cloth on a table.
    "Mellow out. This Goodfellow cat did not come here to check on the state of your housekeeping.” He turned and stared intently at Jonathan. “Did you?"
    "Well, no, but I know what he means. I always feel terrible when people turn up unannounced and my