365 Days Read Online Free Page A

up going to Cornwall ’cos:
     
a.   That’s what Mum wants (he’s sooooooo under her thumb!!!)
b.   It’s cheaper.
     
    So looks like we’re off to the land of the pixies in August. Hoo-bloody-rah.
    Monday 29 January
     
     
    We have a new Science teacher—I think he’s a trainee. His name’s Mr. Troutt (!!!!!!!!!) He looked very nervous today; he wears this cheap-looking signet ring on his middle finger and he kept fiddling with it, turning it round and round in an agitated manner. I also noticed he had a sweaty top lip. He kept forgetting our names and got very twitchy. The more agitated he got, the sweatier his top lip became, and the more he twiddled with his signet ring. I can’t see him staying long.
    Tuesday 30 January
     
     
    Hannah has joined our little ‘gang’. She does Philosophy with Ems and they’ve become friends, so now Hannah’s our friend too.
     
    Apparently Hannah’s an atheist. Ems says she gives Miss Valentine, the Philosophy teacher, such a hard time in class, questioning everything. Miss Valentine’s a bit fed up with her, so Ems says. I like the idea of someone questioning everything in class. I think Hannah sounds cool!
     
    We asked her about being a Goth. She said she wasn’t a Goth, but something called an EMO: we asked her what the difference was, and she said EMOs were more emotional than Goths. Apparently, even though EMOs are a kind of Goth, and they’re all obsessed with death and everything, they are actually allowed to smile occasionally (or so Hannah reckons anyway).
     
    I know nothing about this!! I live such a bloody sheltered life! Why does my dad have to be an accountant? This is his fault!
    Wednesday 31 January
     
     
    Met up with Ben in town after school. It was okay. Ben said we ought to vary our eating experiences, so we went to Burger King this time, rather than McD’s. I didn’t really want to go out with him, but kinda felt like I ought to so I did. I think I was really off with him though—it was almost as if I couldn’t be bothered making the effort and I think it showed. Why am I such a cow?
     
    Anyway, Ben walked me down to the fountain again to meet Dad and we kissed again. It didn’t feel any better, or any easier, and I was aware that I was standing there, stiff as a board, hating every second of it. I looked down and saw he had a bit of lettuce on his trainer, and suddenly realised that I really didn’t want to go out with him ever again.
    Thursday 1 February
     
     
    I lay in bed last night for ages just wondering why I felt so miserable. I was thinking about Ben and wondering why I feel so depressed when I think about going out with him. He seems nice enough, I suppose, but there’s nothing there—with me, I mean. I feel…nothing. Not a flicker of interest. Nothing. Nichts. Nada. I have no interest in him, with him, or anything about him, and it worries me that I feel like this.
     
    Sometimes I wonder if there’s something wrong with me—with boys—with me with boys—with boys with me ’cos I just don’t get it! I don’t dislike boys, but they don’t do anything for me, and I would have thought considering I’m nearly seventeen, they would do something for me. Maybe I’m emotionally immature as well as frigid?
    Friday 2 February
     
     
    Just realised today that I’ve not heard anything from Ben since he left me at the fountain on Wednesday. Cheeky sod. I bet that bit of lettuce is still on his trainer too. I was trying to picture his face in my head when I went to bed last night. I kinda thought if I spent some time actually thinking about him, then I might feel some flicker of feelings for him, or at least kick start something—ANYTHING.
     
    I lay there thinking about him, thinking about our dates, thinking about what we’d said, whether he’d made me laugh or feel interested and I came up with precisely…nothing. In fact, every time I closed my eyes and tried to picture him, images of J kept swimming into my head