feet, like antelope spooked by a lion.
Which she recognizes as being an unreasonable there-you-go-thinking-youâre-better-than-they-are judgment, considering she is among the frozen. She thinks of those National Geographic films where you watch the stupid baby antelope, the one without the sense to even try to run, get taken down and devoured.
Stillâburst appendix and thunderstorms notwithstandingâthis is as close as sheâs ever come to dying in her fifteen years. At least, as far as she knows. She supposes the world is full of idiot driversâreally-too-old-to-be-driving or really-too-young-to-be-driving or really-too-stupid-to-be-driving driversâwho end up hitting a street sign before they have a chance to head off into oncoming traffic, so all the people who might have been plowed into never even know how close a call theyâve had. Not to mention assorted meteor strikes and flash floods and earthquakes and plagues and spontaneous combustions that might have occurred, but didnât.
But Zoe recognizes that sheâs intentionally trying to distract herself with some pretty lame nitpicking. The fact is, she could very easily have been killed just nowâand for the moment she is stillfeeling more scared by the might-have-been s than grateful for the big wasnât.
One of the bank tellers is screamingâa reaction for which Zoe has no patience, not after the factâand at least one of the customers is crying, which Zoe is more willing to accept, as she herself might give in to crying later on. Itâs just thereâs no time now. Not because the police are coming in, which they are, too late, carrying enough gear to attack a terrorist stronghold. But because a decision must be made. By Zoe. She must make a decision, and she doesnât want to because she knows how easily things could have gone another way, how easily the bank robber could have turned his gun on all of them.
This has nothing to do with you , Zoe reminds herself. Not for the first time since she walked into this bank. Not for the first time in her life.
She intentionally tries to avoid thinking of the young man who may well have died in her place.
She is staring so intently at her knees to avoid looking at the two dead bodies, which sheâs almost close enough to touch, that she does not at first see the feet and legs of the policeman who steps between her and the bodies, specifically trying to block them from her view. As though the image isnât fixed in her brain indelibly.
Despite the way she knows she looksâlike a street kid, or at least a troublesome kid, neither of which she is, but thatâs what she looks likeâdespite that, the situation is such that the policeman doesnât focus on this. He puts his hand, his free hand, not the one holding the assault rifle, on her shoulder. âItâs all right,â he encourages her. âItâs all over.â
Shows how much he knows.
Zoe looks up the length of his black-clad legs, his flak jacket, past his face, hoping to catch sight of a clock, but she canât get beyond the blood on the wall behind him. A normal teenager would have a cell phone to tell the time, but the group home kids are not allowed to carry them.
How many minutes have passed, have been wasted by her feeling sorry for herself? Twenty-three minutes are all she has. After that, her options will have ended.
Which would be a relief.
For a coward.
But it hasnât been twenty-three minutes. Definitely not since the shooting. Probably not even since she walked into the bank.
Is Zoe a coward? She doesnât want to be. But she doesnât want to be dead, either. Dead is the end of all the possible stories of oneâs life. Dead is closing the choose-your-own-adventure book and returning it to the libraryâno, itâs burning the book. Dead means no more chance for even having options.
I donât have to put my life in danger , Zoe tells