(1998) Denial Read Online Free Page A

Director.”’
    There was a silence. Tina wondered what chance she had of opening the door and making a run for it.
    ‘This regret, Tina. Is this real? Do you really regret this?’ Then he added, ‘I need to know. It’s very important to me.’
    There were other cars up here. Someone must appear soon, she thought, hoped. Just play for time. He was a crank, that was all, just a crank.
    ‘Would you like me to take another look at it?’ Her voice came out small and crushed.
    ‘It’s a bit late for that now, Tina.’
    ‘We use outside readers. I – we get so many manuscripts, it’s impossible to read every one myself. I get sent two hundred manuscripts some weeks.’
    ‘This wasn’t important enough for you to read, Tina?’
    ‘No, that’s not what I meant.’
    ‘Oh, I think it is, Tina. What you are saying is it mighthave been important enough for me to write it, but it wasn’t important enough for you to read it. It’s the biography of my mother – Gloria Lamark.’
    ‘
Gloria Lamark?
’ she echoed, her throat constricted with fear.
    ‘You’re never heard of her?’ His scorn was corrosive.
    ‘I – look – why don’t you let me have it back, and I – I will read it.’
    Then his tone changed, suddenly, into utter charm and, for a brief moment, her hopes rose. ‘You know something, Tina? I wish I could do that. I really do. You have to believe me that I’m sincere about this.’
    Tina saw a glint of something metallic. She heard a click and a slap. Then silence. ‘What was that?’ she said.
    ‘It was a coin. A very special coin that belonged to my late father. A gold twenty-mark coin from the state of Hesse-Darmstadt, minted in the year 1892, the last year of the reign of King Ludwig the Fourth. I just tossed this coin. Heads and tails. One and zero. Binary. You can put the whole of life in a binary code. That’s how computers work, you know that, Tina? On and off. Everything on this planet is as black and white as that. There is a great beauty in simplicity. If you’d read my book you’d know that.’
    ‘I – I’ll read it.’
    ‘No, the moment’s gone. Everything in life has a moment. Did you ever think about that?’
    ‘Nothing’s ever too late.’
    ‘No, you’re wrong. This conversation. This is all much too late.’ He tossed the coin again. ‘Heads,’ he said. ‘Do you have any idea what
heads
means?’
    ‘No.’
    ‘You would have if you’d read my book.’

Chapter Five
    What on earth did I ever see in you?
    Once Amanda would have died for him, but now, tonight, she was staring across the restaurant table at a virtual stranger.
    His name was Brian Trussler; he was forty-six. He had a lean, hard, street-wise face, and thin fair hair cropped short, except for a handful of strands left long to cover his bald dome. He was wearing a tired-looking grey Armani jacket over a black shirt, and a loud tie. He had a wife, Linda, two young sons, Adam and Oliver, three smart cars and a Harley Davidson motorcycle.
    Although he was not handsome in any conventional sense, Amanda had always been jealously aware of his ability to attract women. When she had first met him, seven years back, he exuded a sense of energy she had never felt from any human being before. He gave the impression that, if he wanted, he could move mountains. It had been that energy, together with a degree of starstruck awe, that had instantly attracted her to him.
    They had begun an affair, in a room at the Halcyon Hotel after lunch at the Caprice, on their first date. She had ended it in the Caprice seven years later. Two months ago. Almost to the day.
    He seemed to have aged since then. His hair had lost its lustre, his face had grown florid and was lined with broken veins, as if years of heavy boozing had taken their toll. He looked like he was going to seed.
    She was aware that if she had still been in love with him she probably wouldn’t have noticed. There had been a time when she had loved every hair on his